Bernie ….. naked in a field? Maybe when I’ve lost some of my weight, or at the very least, in the middle of the night only! Thanks for your insights!

Jan …. as painful as your walk has been, how you’ve walked it out has been exemplary and commendable. I appreciate your participation here!

I was on the scene after they loaded our pastor’s wife (and a friend of mine for 23 years) into the ambulance after she took her own life in a violent manner. I dealt with all notification for our staff and leadership and the next morning at church for our congregation, set up counseling, etc. It was horrible. To this day I can hardly talk about the details of that night. I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD and it still plagues me on occasion. It is hard to stop and understand that WE need help after all of that. We just want to help, but it’s hard to even discern that WE need it too in order to be healthy and keep on giving. I had to go to a counselor.

Speaking with someone who ‘gets it’ is essential.

Knowing we bring compassion to others as the Lord’s instrument is gratifying.

Belief that we made a difference is uplifting.

Then – go to the nursery at the hospital and gaze in the window at new life and realize God is good and we are frail.

Depend upon Him for your strength.

Read Max Lucado – Traveling Light.

Run naked in a field and make sure no one is watching. (just checking to see if anyone read my comment!

I think we have to simply “be” alot in our grief, to not push to “do” so much. Be with God, Be with others, just Be! God’s word to me in my grief was to “Be still and know that I am God”. I sat alot, I rested alot, I cried alot. I got tired of it. But it was healing.

Grief is a process with a purpose: healing. If we don’t submit to the process we don’t heal. After much kicking and screaming, running myself into the ground and just hoping tomorrow would be a different day, I had to simply give in to the graceful work of grief. I told God how I felt. I journaled extensively. I went for long walks and sat at the beach and cried.

But I learned NOT to push myself.

I likened pushing yourself when grieving to running on a broken leg. It results in permanent injury and you don’t run very good anyway. And it hurts.

I think another key is to be honest with God about where you are and to bring that into God’s presence and be with Him in all of your anger, whys?, sorrow, and memories. Wrestle, but wrestle well, with God.

Eventually grief bears a fruit of compassion and even a changed life. We wait for that day with expectation. But it takes paying attention along the way. So slow down, my friend. Respect the toll all of this has had on your body and mind and emotions and yes, even your spirit. Be with God and rest. See how He is at work.

On another topic entirely, I am reading “Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership” by Ruth Haley Barton. You should really get a copy. It’s fantastic and would be a great book review for your site. If you have questions let me know. I have lived out the truth of the teachings. She leads the 2 year retreat community I am a part of with other leaders. It’s a book about taking care of your own soul as leaders……it’s fantastic.

But, when he died we all handled things differently. My mom got angry and lashed out at me for over a year. God is still restoring that relationship.

5 months after he died, I was on dialysis. And 10 months later, I had to leave my job becasue of it. And in the midst of that John’s dad died.

So, we are learning alot of grieving. For me, most importantly? Let the process happen. Laugh, cry, deny, whatever. Take it as it comes, and don’t put yourself on a time table.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and at the bottom of it all God is there with open arms.

On larry King Live tonight, Mary Bath Chapman put it into words something like this: We may fall into the deepest darkest place, on our feet or on our face, but we know the foundation we land on is solid.

I’m praying for you, dear friend.