When Courage Falls Short of the Demands of Reality

November 20, 2008

I love “The Purpose-Driven Life”. I dig the “Wagner-Houts Modified Spiritual Gifts Inventory”. There’s not a much more clear tool than the DISC Profile. And when it comes to bare-bones personality information, nothing beats the MMPI for depth of definition.

As good as all of that is, there is no better tool than the Bible to define who we are. I think most reading this blog would agree. When our faith in who we are in God’s eyes meets the reality of daily life, if we’re honest, we know we often fall way short.

Let me drive this painfully home. I want to be the best husband I can be in all practical ways possible. I want to be Colleen’s knight in shining armor who sweeps her off her feet to save the day. She struggles with a 12 year diagnosis of Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. You’d never know it if you met her becasue she does her best (and then some) to not let it stop her.

Last weekend, her shoulder froze for no apparent reason. That’s just life for her. Jump to tonight, when she gets home from her job teaching Certified Nurse’s Assistants at our local Adult School. She has planned a Jafra party for our house tomorrow night. The tile floor (lots of it) needs to be mopped.

Can you see it? The knight in shining armor? Mr. Clean with broom and mop in hand to save the day? Not in the least! In my dreams! Instead, here was my selfishness rearing its ugly head. (Hear the whine….) “I hate mopping this floor!”

What does that have to do with figuring out who you are? Well, beyond all the education and self-discovery comes the hard work of discipleship. And it’s deeper than just applying a few Scripture, although that’s helpful. It is coming to terms with who I really am and having the integrity to have courage that meets the demands of my reality. (That’s classic Henry Cloud & John Towsend, in case you’re wondering.)

The path of discipleship, becoming like Christ, Whose image we were created in from the beginning, is hard work, friends. Inherent in it is getting to know you. The REAL you. That includes your motivations (WHY you do what you do), your intentions (WHERE you desire to go with what you do), and your actions (HOW you do what you do to get where you’re going). And those are deep issues.

For me, tonight, it was “will I steer clear of the thing I don’t want, or even HATE, to do for the sake of my own comfort, or will I serve my wife, my kids, and our family by putting me aside?

When’s the last time you had to face this dilemma? At home OR at work/ministry?

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Brokenness, Emotional health, Failure, Family, Life, Pastor, Relationships, confession, deception, duplicity | 2 Comments 

The Road To POP

August 15, 2008

Mike Foster …. can you make it any more clear than this? I mean, come on, I’m not quite sure I get what you’re saying ;-) . Maybe you (reading this) can help me understand. Then again, maybe Mike’s made this CLEAR ENOUGH!!!

I am hardcore about taking personal responsibility for managing our emotional, spiritual, physical, and relational health. Why? Because I believe every passion, mission, job, or ministry has a road leading to POP.

What’s POP? It’s where you have depleted everything in your life and you simply breakdown. Your job, company, organization, and leadership role has sucked you dry. Btw, the worst culprits: churches and ministries. You give EVERYTHING and then you have left yourself bare, vulnerable, and in a toxic place. And then you POP!

Sometimes POP looks like destructive escapism like alcohol, drugs, or porn.

Sometimes POP means running off with a hot young thing you met on the internet 2 weeks ago.

Sometimes it means going into a maniacal rage in some company meeting, jumping on top of the table, taking your clothes off, and getting jiggy with it.

Tragically, sometimes POP means suicide or a massive heart attack that kills you.

POP means bailing on your spouse and your kids so you can go “find” yourself…with some other guy/gal.

And then after a month of us “doing the crazy” we come back to our life with huge regrets and a big mess to start cleaning up. Sometimes and sadly, we are never the same.

The story isn’t rare. It’s actually pretty common.

I’ve realized hard wirings in me that would lead me to the POP scenario. If I didn’t manage my life well I could find my self blowing up and breaking down…and quite quickly. In a matter of months or a few bad weeks and…..POP!

Let me be clear here. I’m not alone on this road. You’re on it too. Some of you are aware of it and are working on it in your life. Others are completely blind to the forces that are working against you. And if I ever meet you, and I see you heading towards POP, I’m going to call you out on it.

I’m going to smack you down and warn you. And I don’t want to hear your excuses and valid reasons of why you HAVE to lead your life sucked dry. Pure crap! You just don’t have the balls to make the hard decisions in your personal life. And if I was in a POP scenario in my life, I would expect the same from you.

Every person is on the road leading to POP. I just hope all of us figure out how to live our lives so we never arrive at that final destination.

Thoughts?

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Burnout, Church life, Depression, Emotional health, Failure, Family, Leadership, Life, Margin, Pace of life, Pastor, Physical health, Relationships, Rest, Spiritual health, Things that add life, Things that drain life, death | 4 Comments 

Loose Ends

July 9, 2008

Tonight, I am working on my notes for a memorial service I will officiate in the morning for a man I have never had the pleasure to meet. Maybe you feel like I do about what we Pastors get to do: it is a deep and awesome privilege to be invited into some of life’s most sacred moments because of Who and what we represent.

I’ll talk about that more here someday …. but for now, ….

You’ve met with families like this. They’re one of those that I rarely come by, in terms of this man (again, I never knew him) and his legacy truly oozing out of his wife and daughter.

While I am putting my notes together, a friend (who is also a Pastor) calls me. He says, “I couldn’t sleep tonight until I called to say I’ve been thinking about you all day. I couldn’t live with myself until you knew that not only was I thinking about you, but that God’s heart smiles when He thinks of you, and you are a real asset to the Kingdom of God.”

I was blown away! The man whose memorial service I will lead …. he died on the 4th of July of a sudden heart attack, leaving too many things undone and unspoken. A good man with too many loose ends.

My friend didn’t want to leave any loose ends, and reminded me that neither do I. What are the loose ends for you?

Bad end to a difficult conversation with a loved one? Unfinished business between you and a friend? Unresolved conflict between you and a neighbor? Words you know ought to be spoken or written before it’s too late?

I got ‘em, you got ‘em, we all got ‘em. Dare to say what some of yours are?

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Expectations, Life, Message Preparation, Relationships, success | 1 Comment 

Pastors & Friendships, Part 2

February 24, 2008

Craig Groeschel is writing a series of posts on Ministry Friendships. The link to Part 2 of “Becoming Friends With Your Pastor” is here.

Check out Part 1 here.

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Church life, Church people, Expectations, Life, Pastor, Relationships, Things that give life | Leave a Comment 

Pastors & Friendships

February 22, 2008

Craig Groeschel is writing a series of posts on Ministry Friendships. It’s been great! Specifically, today and tomorrow, he is writing about “Becoming Friends With Your Pastor”.

Check it out here.

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Church life, Church people, Expectations, Life, Pastor, Relationships | Leave a Comment 

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