I Am Second, Are You?
December 8, 2008
Have you seen the new website creeping up - iamsecond.com? It’s quite insightful.
Anyway, Pete Briscoe, Pastor of Bent Tree Fellowship in Texas, shares a bit of his testimony that I think is great for Pastors to hear. It’s only a few minutes, but may shake you deep inside.
Churched … Matthew Paul Turner
November 28, 2008
I just finished reading Churched by Matthew Paul Turner. The cover was what initially intrigued me. A close-up shot of a kid putting a tie on. The subtitle grabbed me next: “one kid’s journey toward God despite a holy mess”. THAT resonated with me.
Having grown up in a mix of Assembly of God and Baptist churches (don’t ask, I have no idea), thriving in my relationship with God through High School in a Foursquare Youth Group, and attending Bible College right out of High School, I’ve served on staff at a church in one role or another ever since. The last 11 years, I’ve been the Senior Pastor (after serving 8 years as Youth Pastor and 4 as Associate Pastor) of a Foursquare Church that is pushing 60 years old and doing my best to revive it, only to find myself exhausted and literally burned out on 2001.
My journey out of burnout is being chronicled at here. In the meantime, I am always looking for resources to help those like me who have found themselves drowning in the mire of this thing called ministry.
I am finding that way too many of us got into ministry with a good heart, but not necessarily a healthy one. Us Pastors are a funny sort that way.
I found Turner’s story quirky at first, in the sense that he seemed a bit cynical. I’m a little quicker (not much, but some) these days at figuring out that most things I read or hear that seem cynical are because of my own defensiveness, rather than what’s really true about the author or speaker’s point of view.
It actually didn’t take long at all to equate the resonating sound of Turner’s experience of having been “raised in the church” with my own. I try to stay positive about it all, but truth be told, a lot of my own experience as a kid in church seems now to be just plain weird. And that, my friends, is what resonated so deeply within me as I kept reading.
If you can get past what sounds cynical and relegate yourself to identifying with Turner more than defending your own history, this entire book is actually a riot, in hilarious kind of terms. This guy is funny! It kept me going, wondering what was going to crack me up next as I could feel the creaky wooden steps and smell the musty old pews of my childhood Baptist Church.
I could go on, but one of the funniest parts is his story about hearing Phil Donahue host his talk show one day on the topic of narcolepsy. Turner becomes almost convinced that he has narcolepsy, and the only time it shows up for him is when he’s in church. He tries oh-so-hard to stay awake by drawing in the air with his finger until the air is so discombobulated by his writing that he has to stop. It took me back to the night time meetings of my Vacation Bible Schools at the Baptist Church, doing the exact same thing!
Then, I have to share what I think is the most poignant part of his whole story. He freaked out after seeing A Thief In The Night, and wrote about some of the storyline that scared him most. Well, I got saved watching that movie at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting sometime in 1978! The way I tell my story is that the movie “scared the hell out of me”!
The one thing I loved about Churched most was how freeing it can be to actually live in the grace of God. It’s one thing to know that God’s grace is sufficient for you. It is something altogether different to actually believe it and live it.
When you start to actually believe it and live it, you realize how far behind yourself you actually are. When you recognize that, it’s the very grace God gives us all that allows you to accept where you are and grow from there, even when you feel like it’s a rhythm of two steps forward and one step back.
This is a great book! Go get it here.
When Courage Falls Short of the Demands of Reality
November 20, 2008
I love “The Purpose-Driven Life”. I dig the “Wagner-Houts Modified Spiritual Gifts Inventory”. There’s not a much more clear tool than the DISC Profile. And when it comes to bare-bones personality information, nothing beats the MMPI for depth of definition.
As good as all of that is, there is no better tool than the Bible to define who we are. I think most reading this blog would agree. When our faith in who we are in God’s eyes meets the reality of daily life, if we’re honest, we know we often fall way short.
Let me drive this painfully home. I want to be the best husband I can be in all practical ways possible. I want to be Colleen’s knight in shining armor who sweeps her off her feet to save the day. She struggles with a 12 year diagnosis of Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. You’d never know it if you met her becasue she does her best (and then some) to not let it stop her.
Last weekend, her shoulder froze for no apparent reason. That’s just life for her. Jump to tonight, when she gets home from her job teaching Certified Nurse’s Assistants at our local Adult School. She has planned a Jafra party for our house tomorrow night. The tile floor (lots of it) needs to be mopped.
Can you see it? The knight in shining armor? Mr. Clean with broom and mop in hand to save the day? Not in the least! In my dreams! Instead, here was my selfishness rearing its ugly head. (Hear the whine….) “I hate mopping this floor!”
What does that have to do with figuring out who you are? Well, beyond all the education and self-discovery comes the hard work of discipleship. And it’s deeper than just applying a few Scripture, although that’s helpful. It is coming to terms with who I really am and having the integrity to have courage that meets the demands of my reality. (That’s classic Henry Cloud & John Towsend, in case you’re wondering.)
The path of discipleship, becoming like Christ, Whose image we were created in from the beginning, is hard work, friends. Inherent in it is getting to know you. The REAL you. That includes your motivations (WHY you do what you do), your intentions (WHERE you desire to go with what you do), and your actions (HOW you do what you do to get where you’re going). And those are deep issues.
For me, tonight, it was “will I steer clear of the thing I don’t want, or even HATE, to do for the sake of my own comfort, or will I serve my wife, my kids, and our family by putting me aside?
When’s the last time you had to face this dilemma? At home OR at work/ministry?
Distractions Extraordinaire
October 1, 2008
You don’t have to be in ministry to know both the rush and frustration of distractions. We want to know how we can avoid them, when the truth is that we can’t. Tasks we haven’t thought of, crises that we didn’t anticipate and disasters that no one could ever predict come upon us. They just do. Let alone the distractions we allow for one reason or another.
I am an email fiend if there ever was one, love Twitter, and think you should follow me for the fun of it. At the same time, I try to have some semblance of availability as a Pastor that doesn’t border on or cross the line of neuroticism. There are some distractions that are controllable, if we so choose. I know I must work at limiting them for the good of my own soul.
Thanks to my friend, Bob Hyatt, I quote Ruth Haley Barton, from her book, Sacred Rhythms, as follows:
“It’s not that I am averse to technology; I too have a cell phone, an office phone, a home phone and an email address, and they are much needed. However, I am aware of longings that run much deeper than what technology can address. I am noticing that the more I fill my life with the convenience of technology, the emptier I become in the places of my deepest longing. I long for the beauty and substance of being in the presence of those I love, even though it is less convenient. I long for spacious, thoughtful conversation even though it is less efficient. I long to be connected with my authentic self, even though it means being inaccessible to others at time. I long to be one who waits and listens deeply for the still, small voice of God, even if it means I must unplug from technology in order to become quiet enough to hear.
Constant noise, interruption and drivenness to be more productive cut us off from or at least interrupt the direct experience of God and other human beings, and this is more isolating than we realize. Because we are experiencing less meaningful and divine connection, we are emptier relationally, and we try harder and harder to fill that loneliness with even more noise and stimulation. In so doing we lose touch with the quieter and more subtler experiences of God within.
This is a vicious cycle indeed.”
Well said, don’t you think? If you’re NOT thinking about it or can’t grasp it, therein may lie the problem of which we speak. Just a thought!
When Crisis Comes Home
September 22, 2008
It’s good to be writing again. This is my first post since our city experienced the tragic Metrolink Train Crash back on Friday, September 12. While the crash itself happened right outside our city limits, of the 25 people killed in the wreck, 10 were residents of Simi Valley.
I honestly have mixed feelings about the fact that none of those killed or injured were a part of the congregation I serve as Pastor. I am so grateful that our Church Family can share stories of God’s hand being upon circumstances that would have had a number of them on that very train. For various reasons, they weren’t.
The mixed feelings come in for those that were not spared somehow. I don’t come anywhere near trying to have answers anymore. I used to. At one time, I felt the pressure of having to produce some kind of answer that would somehow save someone from the grief ahead of them in their uncertainty.
Somewhere along the way, I got honest. I started to finally just say, “I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could take your pain for you. I have no answers.”
I do, however, point people to God. He may not give us our answer today, but someday, we will get it. I believe that beyond cliche or form answer. I believe it to the depths of my very soul. And that’s where I point people.
He’s the Savior, I am not. When I rest my heart in that truth, I am able to navigate crisis becomes a lot differently.
That doesn’t mean that crisis is any easier. When it comes home, everything else adjusts. (Thus, my absence from posting here for a number of days.)
Where the crisis did come home for me was as a friend to Pastors in town and as a Police Chaplain.
As a friend to Pastors, I have a couple of friends who DID lose people in their church and whose congregants were badly injured. I have offered a shoulder and an ear.
As a Police Chaplain, I was not at the scene of the accident, but did get called upon to represent our City in two public gatherings held to memorialize and offer opportunities for people to grieve and mourn. That is a true honor to me.
Being a Chaplain puts me in places behind the scenes that others rarely get to see and experience. Watching City officials grapple with the demands and responsibilities of their leadership while still allowing for their own grief is an interesting place. (Just a quick plug … I am very proud of how our City has responded to and handled this incident.)
Bottom line as it pertains to Pastor For Life …. when crisis comes home, everything else must adjust. You can’t give what you don’t have. Crisis situations demand a lot more giving than everyday life.
If you’re facing tragedy and crisis in your life, be sure to find the people God has placed in your path that YOU can lean on. Give yourself extra time and grace to allow your own mind and soul to wrap itself around what just happened and what continues to unravel over the next days and weeks. It is a process that takes time.
Do You Need A Nap?
September 9, 2008
Think what you will, but everyBODY needs a nap, at least once in a while, if not almost every day. In reality, this post should probably stand on its own in the “Your Personal Pace” series. The topic is sleep, and you may think it a luxury. It may be a necessity.
Justify it to your heart’s delight. Actually, it’s probably to your heart’s terror and dread. I went for years bragging on how I could live on 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Until my body said, “No more!”
Read about any sleep study you can get your hands on. You need AT LEAST 6-8 hours of sleep every night. We all have to go without some of what we need, but we want that to be the exception, not the norm. If you lose some of it tonight, studies will also tell you that we can’t “catch up” on it.
However, we CAN follow our bodies. They’re usually smarter than we are and tell us what we need when we need it. The problem is we think we are smarter than the body God created us in. He uses MANY avenues to speak to us … how about our body? When we need rest/sleep, it is sure to tell us.
So, if you’re reading this with toothpicks in your eyes to keep them open, go take a nap. You want to find out how it feels to “Pastor FOR Life” and “Pastor WITH Life”, go take yourself a nap!
When I encountered burnout several years ago, one of the symptoms was insomnia. My adrenal glands, according to my doctor, were exhausted. They no longer knew when to spurt adrenaline into my system and when not to. So they did whenever they felt like it, and sometimes wouldn’t when I really needed it.
Over the years, I’ve used a number of sleep aids. Even to this day, I currently use Lunesta on a regular basis. (NOTE: Only use sleep medications with a doctor’s prescription. That’s not legalese, it’s common sense!) I also use an eye cover, as I’ve discovered that even a little light can wake me or keep me awake. When I travel, I use ear plugs.
If you’re looking for some good napping help, here’s a little primer from the Boston Globe:
Your Personal Pace, Part 5
September 3, 2008
I want to keep moving in this series of posts on your personal pace. Click on these link to get to Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.
We all have job descriptions. Pastors do too. We also all have expectations. Some of those are contained in our job descriptions, but I venture to say that MOST of the things we are expected to do are NOT in the job description.
I don’t know where it comes from, but I was told by a counselor who counsels Pastors that studies have shown that the average American congregation has 72 different role expectations of their Pastor! WOW! I’m getting tired just thinking about it!
That leaves a ton of stuff to figure out about what we ought to do and we ought not do. Truth is in leadership positions of any kind, it becomes imperative to figure out WHAT KIND of leader you are. You cannot do it all. Contrary to popular belief (maybe even YOUR belief), you are NOT Superman.
Thriving long-term in ministry leadership requires that you check your cape at the door and leave the “S” shirt (and blouses, ladies) in the closet at home.
That said, I grow a little concerned any time I hear someone say, “Pastors should (fill in the blank)….” or “Pastors need to (fill in the blank)….”, as though every Pastor is built in a way that would make him or her an expert in the area the person is talking about.
An example would be an article I read recently where a highly respected church leader said, “I think the role of pastors at this time in history is to be a curator of human talent. They need to learn how to cultivate, how to identify, how to nurture, how to develop and unleash the God-given potential in every person.”
At it’s core, I agree with this leader’s assessment. Part of our job description biblically is to help people develop and mature into all that God has for them. Even still, that is only partly up to us.
My concern is that while every Pastor is called to shepherd people to places of greater growth and maturity, not every Pastor is good at cultivating AND identifying AND nurturing AND developing AND unleashing.
Some are good at identifying, but not very good at nurturing. Some are good at cultivating, but not very good at unleashing. Add to the mix that we ALL do well to commit to a posture of life-long learning. Even still, we cannot be good at everything that is expected of us. We are humans, and built into us are limitations.
Friends, co-workers, part of finding your personal pace is to accept the fact that you are just a human, and therefore limited. Demands all around us and the expectations, whether imposed by others or self-imposed, tempt us to be and do and perform and live up to some things that even Jesus doesn’t expect of us.
First and foremost, we must be followers of His, whatever that may mean. You see, while we all love the same Savior, He has created each of us very differently from one another. You will find no ministry or vocation that has two of the exact same people in them, because we’re all as unique as our fingerprints. Better said, we are all unique because of His fingerprints upon us.
In finding your personal pace, release yourself from the comparisons, the “should’s” and the “ought-to’s”. Find who Jesus is making YOU to be in the context of the role and mantle He has given you, and receive that as part of your personal pace.
What is one thing you are doing right now in your role ONLY because it is expected and NOT because it is part of who God made you to be?
Feast or Famine
September 1, 2008
I’m one of those Pastors who happens to live on “church property”. We live in the parsonage right next door to the church. Fortunately, the front of my house faces AWAY from the church, and my leadership at the church saw the wisdom a few years ago of adding a couple layers of block on top of the back wall. Now, I don’t have to observe and wonder about work every time I’m in my back yard.
For us, it’s been by and large a good experience to live where we do. However, that hasn’t always been true, nor is it always true today.
Reflecting on my calendar this Summer, I realized some circumstances kept me from taking the kind of time away that I am used to. My oldest son, now 13, had some surgery on a leg that was necessary and very successful, but resulted in the need for lots of down time. He’s our :komebody”, so he felt most comfortable just staying home.
My wife, Colleen, begins a new job this week as a Teacher at our local Adult school. She has been feverishly preparing for this new role, and didn’t feel free to take much time away over the last couple months.
We finally got away for almost a week just a couple of weeks ago. It was wonderful, refreshing, and caused me to once again see the need for regular time away. Not just vacation time, but time to get away to be with Jesus, letting Him quiet my soul and lead me to His rest.
The last couple of days, Colleen and I have been working out our Fall calendar. I saw a window of opportunity to get away with her and the boys, but didn’t say anything. However, then I read a friend’s blog post.
I want to share it with you, and by doing so, introduce you to Jan Owens. Read her blog post on getting away here, click here to read her story, and click here to subscribe to her blog in a reader. You will be glad you did! We have not met personally, but I really appreciate her vulnerability and perspective on life in God as a Church Leader.
If it’s been a while since you’ve gotten away to refocus and be refreshed, I know Jan would join me in encouraging you to get your calendar out right now. Look over the next weeks and months. DO NOT CLOSE THAT CALENDAR until you’ve pencilied in at least a time or two away from the grind before the holidays hit!
What Else Would YOU Do?
August 28, 2008
I enjoyed a lunch appointment today, catching up with a Pastor friend who has just come off of his first Sabbatical that lasted about three months. We got to talking about an aspect of vocational ministry that I have come to believe over time can be unhealthy and disruptive to the full life God intends for even Pastors to live.
The concept is this …. if you were NOT in vocational ministry, what would you do for a living?
There was a time that I couldn’t think of anything else I could do. I didn’t believe I had any transferable or marketable skills. Vocational ministry can become a “trap” in a sense, leaving you to feel as though there is literally nothing else you can do to make a living.
Honestly, not only was there a time I COULDN’T think of something else I could do for a living, but I WOULDN’T. If I talked about it, people would be nervous, wondering how serious I was. If I spoke it out loud, God would hear it, and He would NOT be happy. I am, after all, following HIS call on my life. To talk about doing something else would be an insult to Him, wouldn’t it?
Um, folks ….. that kind of thinking was actually a piece of my burnout experience. Both leading up to it AND recovering from it.
Leading up to burnout, I didn’t realize the importance of being free to talk to someone about how I felt about this. I didn’t need to, and still don’t, talk to anyone and everyone. But you gotta talk to SOMEone. Find a person who is not going to condemn you, judge you, doubt you or rebuke you for thinking that there may actually be other things you could do with your life.
Recovering from burnout, I came face to face with the reality that I just might HAVE TO do something else to make a living. If I didn’t have the courageous leaders around me at our church, who stood beside me and allowed me to recover and get well, I would not be writing this blog to Pastors today! I happen to know that my story of recovery is the minority. MOST Pastors who experience burnout lose their “jobs”.
It was during the long journey back to stability and greater emotional and spiritual health that I began to learn that God’s call on my life is irrevocable, REGARDLESS of what my vocation is! It took a while, but today I can actually talk pretty freely about a handful of jobs I think I would enjoy trying.
I’m too old for my first choice these days. I’d be out patrolling the streets and fighting crime with the finest!
How about you? If you were NOT in vocational ministry, what would YOU do?
Integrity Is ALWAYS An Issue
August 22, 2008
This week, we’ve been inundated with a couple of Christian Leader Integrity issues that seemingly are undermining the plans and purposes of God.
No doubt you’ve heard the story of Todd Bentley, who has ministered in Lakeland, Florida the last several months. Last week, right after announcing the end of his time of ministry there, news broke of the separation he and his wife are experiencing.
Then, just in the last couple of days, news came out about Michael Guglielmucci, the Pastor from Australia who wrote the hit worship song, “Healer”. The story was that he had written the song on deep inspiration from a just diagnosed case of cancer. Turns out there is no cancer.
I am not writing this post to point out what should or shouldn’t have happened in the Lakeland Revival, nor do I write to claim anything less than a great worship song in “Healer.” I am writing to simply declare that integrity - being the same person on the outside as you are on the inside - is ALWAYS an issue.
Your relationship with family, your marriage, your co-workers, your church, your neighbors. Integrity is ALWAYS an issue.
I appreciate The People of the Second Chance! I am glad to be one. But folks, any of us who desire to see God build Pastor For Life material in us have got to realize that transparency, honesty, vulnerability, submission to one another and plain old “doing the right thing”, all of those individual pieces of integrity. It’s ALWAYS an issue. That will ALWAYS remain true.
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