A Video Tell-All On Us Pastors?

November 29, 2008

ht: Anne Jackson

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Burnout, Church life, Church people, death, Emotional health, Expectations, Failure, Family, Leadership, Margin, Pace of life, Pastor, Personal Pace, Physical health, Rest, Sabbath, sleep, Spiritual health, Things that add life, Things that drain life, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment 

When Courage Falls Short of the Demands of Reality

November 20, 2008

I love “The Purpose-Driven Life”. I dig the “Wagner-Houts Modified Spiritual Gifts Inventory”. There’s not a much more clear tool than the DISC Profile. And when it comes to bare-bones personality information, nothing beats the MMPI for depth of definition.

As good as all of that is, there is no better tool than the Bible to define who we are. I think most reading this blog would agree. When our faith in who we are in God’s eyes meets the reality of daily life, if we’re honest, we know we often fall way short.

Let me drive this painfully home. I want to be the best husband I can be in all practical ways possible. I want to be Colleen’s knight in shining armor who sweeps her off her feet to save the day. She struggles with a 12 year diagnosis of Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. You’d never know it if you met her becasue she does her best (and then some) to not let it stop her.

Last weekend, her shoulder froze for no apparent reason. That’s just life for her. Jump to tonight, when she gets home from her job teaching Certified Nurse’s Assistants at our local Adult School. She has planned a Jafra party for our house tomorrow night. The tile floor (lots of it) needs to be mopped.

Can you see it? The knight in shining armor? Mr. Clean with broom and mop in hand to save the day? Not in the least! In my dreams! Instead, here was my selfishness rearing its ugly head. (Hear the whine….) “I hate mopping this floor!”

What does that have to do with figuring out who you are? Well, beyond all the education and self-discovery comes the hard work of discipleship. And it’s deeper than just applying a few Scripture, although that’s helpful. It is coming to terms with who I really am and having the integrity to have courage that meets the demands of my reality. (That’s classic Henry Cloud & John Towsend, in case you’re wondering.)

The path of discipleship, becoming like Christ, Whose image we were created in from the beginning, is hard work, friends. Inherent in it is getting to know you. The REAL you. That includes your motivations (WHY you do what you do), your intentions (WHERE you desire to go with what you do), and your actions (HOW you do what you do to get where you’re going). And those are deep issues.

For me, tonight, it was “will I steer clear of the thing I don’t want, or even HATE, to do for the sake of my own comfort, or will I serve my wife, my kids, and our family by putting me aside?

When’s the last time you had to face this dilemma? At home OR at work/ministry?

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Brokenness, confession, deception, duplicity, Emotional health, Failure, Family, Life, Pastor, Relationships | 2 Comments 

“Healer” Author Confesses His Real Need For Healing

August 29, 2008

In no way do I mean for this post to be a judgment or condemnation, nor a condoning, of the sorrowful circumstances that surround the story of Michael Guglielmucci.

He is the author of a song very recently released on the latest Hillsong Worship DVD album, “Hillsong Live: This Is Our God”. There is apparently a documentary on the DVD of how Michael wrote this song right after a diagnosis of aggressive cancer. A popular video on YouTube has now been removed that showed him telling the story at a worship concert just before he would lead the song with an oxygen tank by his side and the tube on his face.

Turns out that he confessed just a couple weeks ago that he was never diagnosed with cancer. He was able to deceive his wife and family as he was apparently suffering physical manifestations of his inner battle with pornography. His father is a Pastor in Australia. You can read his initial statement here.

I do not pretend to know Michael’s torment or make claims of superiority. While my heart is very sad for him and his family, and for the Church at large, I do not pretend to know his torment or make any claims of superiority. But for the grace of God, his story is ours … ALL of ours.

This is another in a long line of stories of lives torn apart by the temptation to live one life in private and another in public. This is not the first and it will not be the last.

There are a couple of keys here about what it takes to be a Pastor For Life.

One is the deep need for safe places to be able to be truly who you are, including the inner battles and struggles we all face. The sooner we get out into the light, the less the damage and the stronger the ability to resist temptation.

Another is the need for us to live in brokenness and vulnerability. The foundation of this relies on us. We must allow for the transparency and consistency in how we live.

Many we lead cannot handle an ounce of weakness we may show as leaders. That’s part of what keeps us from vulnerability. But somewhere, somehow, those who cannot handle our weakness will have to find their strength in Jesus. They may find it in our transparency, but our fear is that they may not. We must become OK with that.

I commit myself, and encourage you, to pray for Michael. While his confession shocks many, it’s actually the first painful step of real freedom for him, and for his family. While the road to recovery will be long and grinding, he is in the best place he can be, or maybe even has ever been.

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Brokenness, Burnout, confession, deception, duplicity, Emotional health, Expectations, Failure, Family, Leadership, Margin, Pastor, Rest, Sex Addiction, success, vulnerability | Leave a Comment 

Integrity Is ALWAYS An Issue

August 22, 2008

This week, we’ve been inundated with a couple of Christian Leader Integrity issues that seemingly are undermining the plans and purposes of God.

No doubt you’ve heard the story of Todd Bentley, who has ministered in Lakeland, Florida the last several months. Last week, right after announcing the end of his time of ministry there, news broke of the separation he and his wife are experiencing.

Then, just in the last couple of days, news came out about Michael Guglielmucci, the Pastor from Australia who wrote the hit worship song, “Healer”. The story was that he had written the song on deep inspiration from a just diagnosed case of cancer. Turns out there is no cancer.

I am not writing this post to point out what should or shouldn’t have happened in the Lakeland Revival, nor do I write to claim anything less than a great worship song in “Healer.” I am writing to simply declare that integrity – being the same person on the outside as you are on the inside – is ALWAYS an issue.

Your relationship with family, your marriage, your co-workers, your church, your neighbors. Integrity is ALWAYS an issue.

I appreciate The People of the Second Chance! I am glad to be one. But folks, any of us who desire to see God build Pastor For Life material in us have got to realize that transparency, honesty, vulnerability, submission to one another and plain old “doing the right thing”, all of those individual pieces of integrity. It’s ALWAYS an issue. That will ALWAYS remain true.

Thoughts?

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Church life, Expectations, Failure, Family, Leadership, Life, Pace of life, Pastor, success | 3 Comments 

The Road To POP

August 15, 2008

Mike Foster …. can you make it any more clear than this? I mean, come on, I’m not quite sure I get what you’re saying ;-) . Maybe you (reading this) can help me understand. Then again, maybe Mike’s made this CLEAR ENOUGH!!!

I am hardcore about taking personal responsibility for managing our emotional, spiritual, physical, and relational health. Why? Because I believe every passion, mission, job, or ministry has a road leading to POP.

What’s POP? It’s where you have depleted everything in your life and you simply breakdown. Your job, company, organization, and leadership role has sucked you dry. Btw, the worst culprits: churches and ministries. You give EVERYTHING and then you have left yourself bare, vulnerable, and in a toxic place. And then you POP!

Sometimes POP looks like destructive escapism like alcohol, drugs, or porn.

Sometimes POP means running off with a hot young thing you met on the internet 2 weeks ago.

Sometimes it means going into a maniacal rage in some company meeting, jumping on top of the table, taking your clothes off, and getting jiggy with it.

Tragically, sometimes POP means suicide or a massive heart attack that kills you.

POP means bailing on your spouse and your kids so you can go “find” yourself…with some other guy/gal.

And then after a month of us “doing the crazy” we come back to our life with huge regrets and a big mess to start cleaning up. Sometimes and sadly, we are never the same.

The story isn’t rare. It’s actually pretty common.

I’ve realized hard wirings in me that would lead me to the POP scenario. If I didn’t manage my life well I could find my self blowing up and breaking down…and quite quickly. In a matter of months or a few bad weeks and…..POP!

Let me be clear here. I’m not alone on this road. You’re on it too. Some of you are aware of it and are working on it in your life. Others are completely blind to the forces that are working against you. And if I ever meet you, and I see you heading towards POP, I’m going to call you out on it.

I’m going to smack you down and warn you. And I don’t want to hear your excuses and valid reasons of why you HAVE to lead your life sucked dry. Pure crap! You just don’t have the balls to make the hard decisions in your personal life. And if I was in a POP scenario in my life, I would expect the same from you.

Every person is on the road leading to POP. I just hope all of us figure out how to live our lives so we never arrive at that final destination.

Thoughts?

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Burnout, Church life, death, Depression, Emotional health, Failure, Family, Leadership, Life, Margin, Pace of life, Pastor, Physical health, Relationships, Rest, Spiritual health, Things that add life, Things that drain life | 4 Comments 

Disconnecting Can Be A Good Thing!

August 14, 2008

Mark Batterson of National Community Church in Washington, DC, adds to the conversation regarding my concept of “regular guy” weekends. Thoughts?

I just wrote an article for Sermon Central titled The Adventurous Pastor.

Here’s an excerpt:

A few years ago I played hooky from church. Instead of going to our Saturday night services, my son and I hit the ski slopes. It was the last weekend of the ski season so it was our last chance to go after one of the life goals we share in common: learn to snowboard.

We were awfully sore at the end of the day. Especially my backside! But it was one of those unforgettable days. And there is one moment in particular that is frozen in my mind. Literally. We were riding up the chairlift as the blizzard-like snow was coming down. And I heard the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. I realized, in that moment on that chair lift, that my life had completely revolved around National Community Church for the better part of a decade. On one level, when you plant a church, you’ve got to pour your heart and soul into it. Sacrifices are par for the course. But I came to the convicting realization that I didn’t really have much of a life outside of church. It was as if the Holy Spirit said: Get a life!

I’m afraid that many pastors, if we were completely honest, would have to admit that we have no life outside of church–no hobbies, no relationships, no interests, no goals, no margins. And we wonder why we’re bored with ministry. So let me share a few ways to adventurize your life…

You can read the entire article here.

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Church life, Expectations, Family, Leadership, Life, Margin, Pace of life, Pastor, Rest, Things that add life | Leave a Comment 

“Regular” Weekend

July 21, 2008

I am a firm believer that every Pastor should have a “regular” weekend. A weekend like “regular” folk, especially if you’re married and have kids.

I experienced one this weekend. It was precipitated by my son having surgery last week (the story and result is here if you’re interested). We knew it was coming for a month, so it was easy to arrange my preaching schedule so that this would be one of my “regular” weekends. I try to schedule one about every 6 weeks or so. On most of them (not all), I am at church, but someone else is preaching. I find that it’s good for the church and good for my family as well.

A Pastors weekend (Saturday) is usually filled with ministry activity of some sort. At the least, you end up having to work hard to distract yourself from thinking about Sunday. Many Pastors today have Saturday services as well as Sunday, adding to the IRregularity of weekend life.

I’ve become a believer in “regular” weekends, taken regularly. The demands and constant, 24/7 communication connections take a toll in today’s Pastoral life and vocation.

  • I believe in the Sabbath, and practice it.
  • I believe in “office hours” for the Pastor. Yet, illnesses happen, accidents occur and people die…..um, I’ve found that those kind of Pastoral emergencies almost always happen OUTSIDE of “office hours”.
  • I believe in vacations, and actually taking them; doing whatever you can as a Pastor to disconnect and “let the Church be the Church” when you’re gone.
  • Matter of fact, I even believe in Sabbaticals – extended times away from the congregation every few years for the purpose of rest, reflection and refreshing of life and vocational call.

However, especially if you have kids, a Pastor’s schedule rarely fits theirs. I believe every once in a while it ought to. I believe our kids will remember being a “PK” with a more abundant joy and satisfaction.

Now, admittedly, I don’t know this to be true. My kids are right now only 12 and 13. But I know I have lots of conversations with Pastors and their kids (my own kids included), and the pace of life most of us live in regard to our weekends could use a rest.

Jesus will still build His Church. The Kingdom will still expand. God will still be on the throne.

I know, much easier said than done for lots of reasons, but nonetheless worthy. Your thoughts?

Posted by Paul | Filed Under Church life, Expectations, Family, Leadership, Life, Pace of life, Pastor, Rest, Sabbath, Sabbaticals, Things that add life | 1 Comment 

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