What Got Us Here Won’t Get Us There, Part 4
February 16, 2012
In an occasional series, we’ve been addressing the issue of insecurity in leadership. Perry Noble came out today with a great list of ways you can determine whether or not you are a leader who struggles with insecurity.
Quick disclaimers: We ALL struggle with insecurity when it comes right down to it. There is only ONE perfect person. His name was Jesus. “I know Jesus. And you are not Jesus.” Don’t mean to put you off with that, just speaking to myself and anyone else who wants to be honest. Check your Superman cape at the door please!
Perry’s GREAT list is here.
7 Ways to Deal with “Worcations”
August 23, 2011
Can you say “worcation”? Apparently, President Obama can! In this article from Fox News, President Obama’s current vacation to Martha’s Vineyard is referred to as a “worcation”.
The word is not new to our culture. UrbanDictionary.com has it in their list.
I didn’t need to look it up. My hunch is that you didn’t either. As Pastors, we are all too familiar with what a “worcation” is. Some of us disdain it, while others of us thrive on them.
Maybe it’s our need to feel like we’re not “wasting” time. Maybe it’s an effort to make a vacation financially feasible. We will sometimes even look for opportunities to preach at a friend’s church while the time is actually meant to be spent recharging with our family.
Some worcations are understandable. Denominational gatherings are often held in family-friendly cities where we would actually want to bring our spouse and kids and have them enjoy the locale. There is the occasional true emergency that takes place that may call you home from vacation for a day or two in order to deal with it.
But when your kids can’t remember the last vacation they’ve had that has not included time with you gone for whatever ministry-related reason, there’s a problem. When you haven’t taken your spouse away for a weekend (an actual weekend … you know, that Friday – Sunday string of days?) in “who knows how long”, you may be dealing with some self-expectations and potential insecurity issues.
I have two teenage boys whose schedules are “normal” (ie. their “weekend” is Friday – Sunday). I try to give them 2-3 of their weekends a year (outside of vacation time) where I am not preaching, so they have a “regular Dad” for a weekend.
Pastor, let me give you a few tips to help you keep from “worcations” becoming the norm instead of an exception:
- Think back to the last time you intentionally stayed away from work/ministry in order to really spend extended time with your spouse and kids
- Look at your current calendar … when is the next time you have already planned where that will happen? If the answer to that question is what I think it is, set a goal to get it planned with your spouse by one week from today.
- If your heart is feeling that tug to schedule it close to a friends church, resist the urge and plan for it to be as far away from a friends church as you can!
- If you’re concerned about who will take care of things when you’re gone, find someone you can begin addressing this with as soon as possible. A close friend who seems to have a handle on this or a therapist would be a good start. I have a list of some here that work with pastors.
- When you pack to leave for your vacation, leave the ministry-related reading behind. Bring some good novels or whatever reading you find fun. I know, I know … your ministry-related reading is fun to you. Trust me, leave it behind and bring some other fun.
- When you leave for your time away, turn off the email, Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare and any other alerts that are activated on your phone. Give one or two other people you trust the phone number of the place you’re staying. Remember the days when you actually had to be found when you were away? Enjoy some of them again.
- When you return, resist the urge to “hit the ground running”. Ease back in slowly. Do a half day your first day or two back in. Your kids will thank you for it, and believe me, so will the people who work with you.
Anything else you would add to the mix?
What Got Us Here Won’t Get Us There, Part 3
July 11, 2011
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on this issue of insecurity in pastor and leaders. Recently, I read something that Mark Batterson (pastor of National Community Church in Washington DC) wrote about the topic:
He wrote:
I think influence and insecurity are opposites. Insecure leaders don’t hire high competence people thereby limiting their influence. Their insecurity manifests itself by surrounding themselves with people that will prop up their ego instead of taking things to the next level. It’s the Saul complex. David was his greatest asset, but Saul perceived him as his greatest threat. If you’re insecure, assets are perceived as threats.
I think this is so true, or at least it’s been my experience. Sometimes the largest barriers to moving to further levels in your leadership have to do with how much you’re willing to release others to THEIR fullest potential, even if it outmeasures YOURS.
Thoughts?
What Got Us Here Won’t Get Us There, Part 2
May 31, 2011
In my last post (too long ago), I mentioned I would be writing more on the issue of insecurity, especially within pastors and leaders. Today, I introduce you to Scott Couchenour. You can get to know him here. I encourage you to get to know him better by following him at his blog, Twitter, and wherever else you can. He’s got some really good ministry leadership stuff going!
I’ve asked Scott to give us some of his thoughts on insecurity….enjoy! Then again, maybe that’s the wrong word? Or is that my insecurity talking? Whatever. Here you go!
Insecure. That’s me. I bet it’s you too. I bet all God’s children are insecure. I trip on the sidewalk and look back to see what to blame it on. I look around to see if anyone saw me stumble. Why do I do this? Why do I care? We were born for community and yet that very community makes me… well, insecure.
I believe the human condition of insecurity is a blessing. Insecurity. Any dictionary will tell you it’s synonymous with fear, doubt, lack of confidence, lack of assurance. ”How can this be a blessing?”, you ask. Here’s what I’m thinking. If I wake up confident, assured, full of “bring-it-on” mentality, I run the eventual risk of becoming just like Adam as he bit into the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I run the risk of becoming my own god. No fear. No doubt. Confident in my abilities. Assured of my planned outcomes. Living under the influence of the intoxication of success. I develop my plan and, to “sanctify” it, ask God to bless my efforts.
I believe insecurity grows out of failure. We can all point to a failure in our past. We remember it. For some, this failure haunts like an illusive thorn in the flesh. But here’s the good news. Failure-to-insecurity. Insecurity-to-rock-bottom. Rock-bottom-to-ready. Ready for what? Ready for being used by God to bring about Kingdom business. King Jehoshaphat knew what it was like to be insecure in his army’s ability when he said, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.” (2 Chronicles 20.12, bold mine). “But”. Now that’s a big but!
God leads me best when I stop leading myself. When I reach the bottom where I have no more confidence in me and my abilities, I become a well-tilled plot of rich soil for God to work His plan. I have no agenda. I have no conditions. I have no proviso’s. Just me. Ready for God to use as He sees appropriate. And God says, “Yes! NOW, here we go…”
Are you insecure?
How are you turning your insecurity into your greatest asset for God?
Scott Couchenour
Life Coach at ServingStrong.com
VP Operations at Cogun.com
Resources and coaching for the ministry leader to avoid burnout.
What Got Us Here Won’t Get Us There
March 22, 2011
A few recent conversations with a pastor friend of mine have raised an issue that I’ve found true for my life. Maybe you can relate to it as well.
My friend has been in full-time ministry as a Senior Pastor for over 30 years. He’s served in his current assignment for about 25 of those years. He faithfully served this congregation and city for the first 13 years whittling away with a few handfuls of people that quickly became dozens of families.
Over the past 12 years, he’s been privileged to see numerical breakthrough happen, so that now the Church he serves is averaging almost 1,000 people every weekend.
Not that numbers are everything. They aren’t. Matter of fact, this friend of mine will gladly tell you that numbers come with their own burdens.
Anyway, he’s been conversing with a few other pastors of similar size churches and larger. These guys are coming to a painful, but truthful, conclusion. They’ve been honest enough with each other to admit that much of their pursuit to this point of their lives has been rooted in validating their own insecurities.
Imagine that! Pastors being honest with each other! Go figure!
It’s NOT that everything they’ve done has been selfish or egocentric or for their own personal gain. It hasn’t. I know these men. They follow hard after God and want the best for people and for God’s Kingdom.
It IS that as they are growing personally and maturing as men, they are learning that everyone is insecure! Did you hear that? We are ALL insecure.
We are all humans who battle with our insecurities on a daily basis, whether we recognize it or not. The only difference between these guys and others is that they are starting to recognize it while others aren’t.
Those unaware busily go about their lives spinning their wheels for one supposed reason, when all the while, the truth is that the wheels spin to make them feel better about themselves and what they are doing (whatever it is they are doing, ministry or not). And the numbers validate their worth and busy-ness.
What is also true for my friend and the group he is talking with is that they are fatigued and spent. They’re not burned out, just uncertain that what they’ve “achieved” to this point has been worth the cost and energy. They know that they must change the way they do life and ministry in order to get where God wants them to go from here. So, their learnings don’t stop here.
They are boiling down their lesson to this: what got us here won’t get us there!
Here is this current place of recognized achievement and supposed success shown in an ever-increased followership. There is the future place that they know God is calling them to go that is beyond the current place they now find themselves in.
They know without a doubt that what got us here (insecurity) won’t get us there (God’s intended future). So, what are they doing about it? That’s for another post.
For now, your thoughts on what they’re learning?
What Seminary Never Taught Us
February 18, 2011
If you are not a subscriber to “The Pastor’s Weekly Briefing” delivered from the Focus On The Family Pastoral Ministries Department, I would encourage you to get signed up here.
Each edition features a letter from HB London, who heads the Department. This week, he wrote something I thought would be very poignant to consider for any Pastor who desires to be a “Pastor For Life”. I include it here for your consideration and meditation.
Anything you would add or expand on? If so, please converse with a comment below.
What Seminary Never Taught Me
Yesterday, I had the privilege of speaking in the chapel service at Dallas Theological Seminary. I had been there before. It is a fine institution. Their President, Dr. Mark Bailey, is a dedicated and competent leader. Later, I would be honored to meet at lunch with a group of students preparing for pastoral ministry.
One of the initiatives of our outreach to the clergy at Focus on the Family is a commitment to the future leaders of the church who are presently in preparation at Seminaries and Bible Colleges around the country. We have learned so much from these talented men and women. They will be facing challenges in their assignments that I did not face. I pray they are ready for those challenges and committed for the long haul. The truth is, many begin the pastoral ministry journey, but a lot of them never finish.
As I reflect on my visit to DTS, I could not help but think about all of the things that my Seminary training did not prepare me for. For instance:
- They did not teach me how to love. That came through experience.
- I did not really understand how complicated the lives of people really were. Some of them were too broken to mend.
- I was surprised at how judgmental and cruel Christian people could be. Graduate school did not warn me, or at least if they did I didn’t listen.
- I probably needed more specific training in problem solving, and crisis management.
- In my day there was not much attention being given to financial management. Even though my first assignment was small, I was still a 23 year old CEO. Scary.
- I do not recall much attention being given to family matters. In fact, I remember some well-meaning leader saying to me, “You just go out and serve the church. God will take care of your family.” It didn’t happen that way.
- There is no way you can prepare for loneliness. But the importance of friendship with colleagues should have been reinforced.
- Another problem I would have to deal with, and had to learn on the fly, was that the church was God’s church … not mine. I was an under-shepherd.
- I had to learn how to be myself and build on my own strength. Seminary had made me into a kind of cookie-cutter presenter.
- Pastoring was not for the faint of heart. Probably, if they had told me everything I would never have completed my training. I am so glad they didn’t, and I am so glad I did. What advice would you give to the institution that invested in you?
We never stop learning, do we? Be blessed and be a blessing. —HBL
Transition Plan
October 2, 2010
You don’t have to look too far into the Pastor For Life blog archive to find that a piece of what we are interested in highlighting, documenting, or noting for Pastors has to do with pastoral transitions. While we don’t catch them all, we try to highlight some of the notable transitions and let you know about them. That way, you can track them too in order to learn from them.
One of the ways that ministry life tends to happen haphazardly is in leadership transitions. I know I’ve seen my fair share of them over 25 years or so of ministry. I wouldn’t be surprised if your observation is similar to mine. MOST of them happen in an ugly and unhealthy manner. Rarely do we see a church transition from one Pastor to another in a gracious and well-led way. For that matter, there are a few transitions I’ve handled in staff leadership positions where I could’ve done a much better job.
Along comes Bob Russell to help us out with his new book, Transition Plan: 7 Secrets Every Leader Needs To Know. I was recently asked by Bob to review the book, and they graciously sent me a complimentary copy to read.
For those who may not have heard of Bob Russell, he led Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky for 40 years. In that time, the church grew to 26,000 in attendance! After transitioning leadership to Dave Stone four years ago, the church is still growing (another rarity in church transitions!).
The thing I liked most about Transition Plan is that Bob comes across so real. This easy to read book (took me just short of 2 hours to get all the way through in one sitting) is filled with personal stories of not just the successes of the transition, but the failures too. Russell not only extrapolates on his thinking for many years before transitioning the church, and how healthy that was, but he goes into some details about where his thinking WASN’T so healthy and things DIDN’T go so well.
The subtitle is a little is a little misleading , 7 Secrets Every Leader Needs To Know. You have to watch for the “list” because he doesn’t break it into 7 chapters (Hint: they are all in one of the chapters). But, be prepared. The list is NOT a “do this, then do that, then do this,…” sort of list. It’s really a list of reflections.
One of the highlights of the book, in my opinion, is that Russell focuses on encouraging leaders to form a transition plan more than he focuses on giving you a specific plan. He acknowledges that every leader (outgoing AND incoming) is different and each church family culture is going to be different, so you have to form the plan taking those factors into account.
I highly recommend this book for anyone in church leadership, or even in business leadership for that matter. Practical, real, honest, and all those things make for good leadership.
Have you read it? What do you think?
Francis Chan Next Steps
September 3, 2010
Over on the Mars Hill Church blog, an interview with Francis Chan by Mark Driscoll and Joshua Harris was posted. It’s one of the most candid interviews I think I’ve seen.
Many people have wondered, “What’s Francis doing now that he’s not at Cornerstone?”
This video interview answers some of that and more of “Why did he leave there anyway?”
Watch it and leave your thoughts here when you get a chance.
Some Truth About Burnout, And Some Antidotes
August 3, 2010
The New York Times had an excellent article about Clergy Burnout this week. I encourage you to clikc the link and read it. It’s got some good information.
However, packed full of antidotes to burnout is a blog post from Perry Noble. I’d encourage youeven more to click that link and soak in the truth it may painfully bring to bear!
If you are so inclined to do so, leave your thoughts about the articles before you leave here.
Stewarding The Easter “Anointing”
April 1, 2010
Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me what I can do for you before I am taken away.” And Elisha replied, “Please let me inherit a double share of your spirit and become your successor.” “You have asked a difficult thing,” Elijah replied. “If you see me when I am taken from you, then you will get your request. But if not, then you won’t.”
2 Kings 2:9-10
The heart cry of every Pastor, that God would give us at least as much, if not more, anointing than those who have gone before us.
Interesting that Elijah tells the young prophet that what he is asking for is hard. I think most of us ignore that part. I did! I still do!!
The “anointing” seems to be on others around me, and amazing things are happening through them. It doesn’t look that hard from the outside.
Better yet, I think it not really ours to get the anointing. We ask and Jesus gives.
Some hard lessons of pastoral and public ministry have honed in me the belief that what is ours is to steward the anointing.
Some seem good at seeking and getting, but not so good at stewarding it once received. Think of any outwardly successful pastor who eventually flames out in one way, shape or form.
Earlier in Elijah’s life, he learned the hard way too that what Elisha was asking for was not easy!
Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”
Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.
All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.
1 Kings 19:1-9
The lessons Elijah learned about stewarding the anointing were far more simple than we imagine, mostly. Check your own anointing stewardship against them in this way-too-busy-Easter season:
- What’s your internal thought life like right now?
- How much sleep have you given yourself this week?
- How much time have you invested away from the church or your office?
- Do your spouse, kids, family, friends, know where you are and when and what you’re doing other than “working” or “at the church”?
- What has your diet been like this week?
All just part of stewarding the anointing friends! What would you add?
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- What Got Us Here Won’t Get Us There, Part 4
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- What Got Us Here Won’t Get Us There, Part 2
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